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What does brain-friendly sound like?

© Borisovv Dreamstime.com - Magnifying Ear PhotoWhen thinking about what to write about this week, I thought it made sense to continue the thread from a post from two week’s ago, “What’s all the fuss about brain-based coaching,” that continues from an earlier post, “So you really think you’re brain-friendly.” People can sometimes think they are being brain-friendly or using a brain-based coaching approach when, in fact, they are being more directive than they realize OR creating what I call “unnecessary threat.”

A critical idea

One of the essential ideas we work with is from Evian Gordon’s work (previously cited). It involves what he calls “the brain’s primary organizing principle: minimize danger and maximize reward.” If there is one idea our work is built on, it is this idea.

When teaching people about a brain-based approach, the brain’s primary organizing principle can be easily misinterpreted or misapplied. People (teachers, leaders, managers…) think we need to eliminate ALL danger.

First of all, that is virtually impossible. Secondly, we don’t need to eliminate ALL danger. We need to know how and when to work with “danger.” Here’s one approach:

  • First, we need to understand the nature of how the brain responds to danger
  • Then, we need to understand how danger is created for the brain
  • Next, we need to understand when danger is helpful and when it is harmful
  • Continuing on, we need to pay attention to how we are working with danger and reward in our moment-to-moment interactions based on what we are trying to help others achieve
  • Finally, we need to adjust in the moment based on what is actually happening for the person in front of us (whether danger or reward is being triggered in the desired amounts relative to our focus)

And since all of this plays out when we are interacting with each other (live, virtually, or electronically), it’s helpful if we have a map for what a brain-friendly conversation sounds like. Let’s listen in…

Manager: Hey Alex, I’d like to catch-up with you on Project X. It seems like all is on track. I simply need to provide a brief update on it to management. I’d like to find out what’s going well and what else you recommend based on the current state of the project. When would be a good time for us to connect and about how long do you think that would take?
Worker: Oh, OK. It probably shouldn’t take that long, maybe 15 or so minutes. Can we do it later in the week?
Manager: I need to provide the update by Friday so is there time before then?
Worker: Sure, I guess I can make Thursday work.
Manager: Excellent, what time? The morning is pretty wide open.
Worker: How about 10:00am?
Manager: That works. Is there anything you need from me to make this meeting most productive?
Worker: I guess what it is that you want to cover.
Manager: Mainly how complete we are on the project and anything we need to anticipate to make sure we bring things in on time and on budget.
Worker: Well, there is one issue we are having.
Manager: OK, thanks for giving me a heads up. Let’s not get into it right now, if that’s OK. When we meet, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what we might consider doing to address the issue and any other thoughts you have or things you’re learning based on where the project stands.
Worker: OK, I’ll put some notes together.
Manager: Thanks. I’m looking forward to connecting Thursday morning.
Worker: OK, thanks.

You may be wondering, “What’s so brain-friendly about this? Why is this so long? Why not just say, ‘Hey Alex, I need an update on Project X by Thursday morning.’?”

Rather than simply GIVING you the answers, I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts:

  • Where are the potential “dangers” of this request?
  • How/where is the manager minimizing threats?
  • How/where is the manager offering rewards?
  • What brain needs is the manager addressing and how/where?
  • Any other thoughts, questions or connections?

In other words, how brain-friendly are you? (Danger! Danger! Danger!)

So you really think you’re brain-friendly?

Disclaimer: I might step on some of your toes with this blog post.

I’ve delivered hundreds of brain-based programs to thousands of people over the past 10 years and am often dismayed (but not surprised) when I come across a person who says, “I already know this,” or “I already do that,” but when you watch them in action and listen to them in conversation–it is clear they do not.

Some of the reasons for this are linked to the brain itself. It feels good to the brain to think it is good at something (“I already do that”). It feels good to feel we are better than others (“I already know that”). It also feels painful to the brain to not know something or to find out you didn’t know something.

Another common mistake I’ve seen is people who think a brain-friendly or coach-like approach is all about questioning. While questioning is a significant piece of the puzzle, it is the kinds and types of questions you ask that truly make the difference (I’ll be speaking on this more at the Partners in Business – Operation Excellence conference).

I’ve come to believe there are seven (7) fundamental conversations we engage in at work, whether it be the classroom, the conference room, or the boardroom:

  1. Goals
  2. Plans
  3. Steps
  4. Follow-up
  5. Problems
  6. Performance issues
  7. Blind Spots

Just as there are seven conversation types, we think there are seven types of questions that are related to or relevant for each of these conversations (there is even a “special case” type 8). And there is different neuroscience research that supports each of these conversations, some foundational, some you might call more “type-related.”

For instance, “Conversation 7 – Blind Spots” refers to actions that are more non-conscious or “blind” to the people performing them. The brain loves to make things automatic so it doesn’t have to spend precious (and limited) energy to rethink every action we take. The very nature of it being automatic means it doesn’t require conscious thought or effort. That’s good (do you want to relearn how to brush your teeth every day?!) AND it can be costly in some ways. We can be automatic about things that require a bit more conscious thought or we can do or say something without even realizing we haven’t given it a conscious thought. Helping someone with a blind spot involves raising his awareness in a way that doesn’t overly engage the “fight or flight” response (governed by the limbic system). Asking “presence” or “learning” questions can help shift someone’s brain into a more quiet state and allow her to “see” themselves in action in order to make more conscious decisions.

This is but one example across the seven conversations. Things are even more complicated by the fact that our brain strives to minimize danger multiple times every second. It is our primary organizing principle (E. Gordon, 2001). This hypersensitivity to threats effects our questioning approach. We tend to hyper-focus on danger (a.k.a. problems) and “question into” them.

And that brings me back to my disclaimer. I don’t fault or judge the people who say, “I already do that,” or “I already know that.” Many do. But in some cases, the person’s brain has taken over (it’s usually in charge without us being aware!) and the questions he asks are not the best he might ask.

When you truly understand the brain, you can begin to change the way you show up and you can start to behave in a much more brain-friendly way–starting with the questions you ask.

You’ll be amazed at the results you can get.

Leadership Resources

  • "Emotional Intelligence," Daniel Goleman
  • "Lincoln on Leadership," Donald T. Phillips
  • "First, Break All The Rules," Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman
  • "The First 90 Days," Michael Watkins
  • "Developing the Leaders Around Us," John C. Maxwell
  • “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership,” John C. Maxwell
  • "The 21 Most Powerful Minutes in a Leader’s Day,” John C. Maxwell
  • "The Path: Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and for Life," Laurie Beth Jones
  • "What Got You Here Won’t Get You There," Marshall Goldsmith with Mark Reiter

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